Schizophrenia
by WilaraLuv666
Summary: A different kind of self-insertion...


Schizophrenia  
  
A/N: This doesn't exactly involve any Smallville characters, but it centers around Smallville. I was sitting in Lit. class and my voices started yelling at me. We had a very interesting conversation concerning Smallville. Let me introduce you:  
  
-Sadistic And Demented Me-Loves pain and torture. Life-long dream is to turn a certain folically challenged hottie into her own sex toy and torture him.  
  
-Cynical Me-Loves to argue. Doesn't think anything good exists.  
  
-Smallville Obsessed Me-Loves Smallville. Usually initiates Smallville discussion.  
  
-Chloe Freak Me-Loves all things Chloe, within reason. Convinced I am Chloe Sullivan.  
  
-Naive Little Kid Me-Loves VeggieTales. Often describes Sadistic And Demented Me as "a bad, bad girl."  
  
-Quiet And Under-opinionated Me: Loves silence. Speaks rarely.  
  
~~~  
  
One day, in schizophrenic land...  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Character catch phrase opinion time!  
  
Cynical Me: Oh God, not again.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Clark Bar or Kent Bent?  
  
Naive Little Kid Me: I want a Clark Bar!  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Kent's bent, haha.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Sister Sullivan or Best Friend Chloe?  
  
Cynical Me: What's Best Friend Chloe from again?  
  
Chloe Freak Me: A fanfic we read. Chloe's thinking something like, he'll never see me that way. I'll always be Best Friend Chloe. Sounds like a Mattel doll. Best Friend Chloe; she walks, she talks, and she'll fall in love with you.  
  
Quiet And Under-opinionated Me: Hehe.  
  
Chloe Freak Me: I know, isn't that great? Hehe.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Not as great as blaming Clark for the fall of Rome.  
  
Chloe Freak Me: Or asking if Lana jumped him when Nell left, or if Nell chased him across the yard with a pom-pom! Hehe. Too many great fanfics out there.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: *sings* Chloe loves Clark and he doesn't know, Victoria Hardwick is a ho...oh, sorry.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Good song, but I like this one better...*sings* ABCD LSD, Gummi Bears are chasing me. Up the hall and down the stairs...*screams* GO AWAY, YOU FUCKING BEARS!  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Whitless should dump Lana, eh?  
  
Chloe Freak Me: Yup! And Clark should wake up and realize he's in love with Chloe!  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Agreed. And Pete needs to get laid!  
  
Cynical Me: And Lex needs some love in his life before the money goes to his cute little naked head. Too bad the rest of him isn't naked too...*wipes up drool*  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: We should so write for Smallville.  
  
Cynical Me: No, we'd ruin it.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: No, we'd give the people what they want.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Yeah, the people who want Pete to get laid and Clark and Chloe together and Lex to have a girlfriend who's not screwing his dad and Lana to die and Whitney to become a monk and leave together.  
  
Cynical Me: Whitless, a monk. Hahahahahahahaha...you get the idea.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Hey, I was just trying to find a way to make him go bye-bye for good without dying.  
  
Cynical Me: Don't get defensive. And what's the big deal about Whitless not dying?  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: I kinda like him after Kinetic.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Ok, then. The guy beat up Clark and hung him in a field. Even though I don't like Lana all that much and I was making fun of Kristin Kreuk last night on that Neutrogena commercial, he treats her bad. And he joined up with the guys who put Chloe in the hospital. And you like him?  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: What can I say, I'm a sadist. I thrive off seeing my favorite characters hurt. Hell, I almost got off when Chloe got thrown out the window.  
  
Naive Little Kid Me: You are a bad, bad girl.  
  
Cynical Me: She's not any worse than you. We are you. You're only putting yourself down. And you're a schizo, or none of us would be here.  
  
Naive Little Kid Me: *bursts into tears* Why are you so mean to me?  
  
Cynical Me: Cuz' I don't like us. We have bad habits. Our obsession with Smallville has gone too far. We drink too much caffeine. Our sudden fetish with journalism is frustrating. And we cut our hair, damn it! We're never gonna be Chloe Sullivan! Stop it! You're driving me crazy!  
  
Chloe Freak Me: No! Don't say that! We are Chloe!  
  
Cynical Me: Shut up! We're not gonna be Chloe, and we're not gonna get Clark bound and gagged for our birthday in a couple weeks!  
  
Quiet And Under-opinionated Me: What about Lex?  
  
Cynical Me: Lex could be good.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: I would enjoy a beautiful bald boy to torture...  
  
Naive Little Kid Me: You're bad. Very, very bad.  
  
Chloe Freak Me: We are Chloe Lois Sullivan Lane, and that is final!  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Why do you wanna be the girl who got pushed out a window, anyway?  
  
Chloe Freak Me: Why are you asking me? You're the sadistic one, remember?  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: You speak of it so lightly.  
  
Cynical Me: We got used to it with you around. Hey, did you know Vince still thinks we'll become a famous actress and introduce him to Allison Mack when we do?  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Vince thinks a lot of shit when it comes to Allison.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Example?  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: He still thinks he's Chloe's towel boy. And he said we looked like Allison after the haircut.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: *sings* Chloe loves Clark and he doesn't know, Victoria Hardwick is a ho...  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Were you even listening?  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Yes. I can sing and pay attention. I'm good at multi-tasking.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: *sings* ABCD LSD, Gummi Bears are chasing me. Up the hall and down the stairs...*screams* GO AWAY, YOU FUCKING BEARS! Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening. Guess I'm not as good as you.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Obviously you are, you knew what I said.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Oh, good point.  
  
Naive Little Kid Me: Ooh, are we singing? *sings* If you like to talk to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile, if you like to waltz with potatoes, up and down the produce aisle...  
  
Chloe Freak Me: Just remember Clark, when you cross that line, you can't hide behind the cloak of friendship anymore. Proceed with caution.  
  
Cynical Me: Stop the damn quotes! We are not Chloe Sullivan!  
  
Chloe Freak Me: For the last time, I'm not interested in Clark!  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: We know, you like Lex...that was a quote! Stop before I hurt us!  
  
Chloe Freak Me: And put us in the hospital where so-called health care professionals will make us lay in bed and eat Jello?  
  
Cynical Me: Hey, as long as Clark Kent brings us flowers, I'm up to it.  
  
Chloe Freak Me: Ha! So you admit it?  
  
Cynical Me: *sighs* Yes. I know we're Chloe, I just wanted to argue. So, where are we gonna find a guy in a ski mask who'll push us out a window?  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Vince has a couple ski masks.  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: Great. We have a plan. Get Vince in a ski mask to push us out the window, sit in bed and eat Jello, and Clark will bring us flowers.  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Would it be pushing to ask if Clark will feed us the Jello too?  
  
Chloe Freak Me: A good idea, but he probably couldn't do that without figuring out how Chloe feels about him, you know?  
  
Cynical Me: Yeah. You said it badly, but we got it. Damn, if only we were Lana...  
  
Chloe Freak Me: AHH!!! *falls out window* Why the hell would you say such a thing?  
  
Cynical Me: Why the hell would you dive out the window?  
  
Smallville Obsessed Me: Hey, shut up, there's Clark. Hehe, we're going to the hospital now. Broken arm, bruises, concussion, lots and lots of Jello, and Clark bringing flowers. Any questions?  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: That was fun.  
  
Chloe Freak Me: Shut up, sadist!  
  
Sadistic And Demented Me: We'd already established that. Better practice those Chloe quotes, we wanna be believable.  
  
Chloe Freak Me: No sweat, we are Chloe. Say, aren't we supposed to be unconscious?  
  
Naive Little Kid Me: *sings* Celery, broccoli, gotta be, VeggieTales! Cauliflower, sweet and sour, half an hour, VeggieTales!  
  
Cynical Me: Oh, yeah. Smallville General, here we come!  
  
To Be Continued? 


End file.
